Harry X and I had a conversation yesterday about giving Simon a sibling. It's interesting because the thought has been in the back of my mind since he came - during the difficult (hah! that's an understatement) period of infertility I've always said I'd be happy with just one child. And you know what? I still could be. And so could Sal. Our little unit of 3 could definitely continue to work for us. We're ecstatic.
But I must admit now that I have this child who makes me radiate with love (at least toward him - Sal may tell you a different story!), I kinda want to do it again. NO, I don't want to go through the infertility and the miscarriages then the anxiety then the pre-e/hypertension/bedrest/general anesthesia Csection/hemorrhage/2nd surgery/3rd reopening/2 weeks fever/2 months infection/1 month NICU. No - who would? But I love being a mommy. I think I'm pretty good at it so far...it's hard at times but it feels so natural and so right. I feel like I was meant to do this.
So Harry X and I were talking about our (our being Sal and me, not Harry X and me, silly!) options for another baby - adoption being the main consideration, simply because of all the hell we've been through. And I'm all on board with that except for the fact that we have 2 embryos on ice sitting in a freezer at the fertility clinic. And I have a very strong (and perhaps maybe very foolish) instinct that one of them is viable - one is Simon's future brother/sister. Maybe I'm delusional in putting on my rose-colored glasses again but the docs did tell me that now they know how my body responds to pregnancy that they can handle it, and much better than the last time. It's food for thought. It's something to think about. Not now, of course. For now I'm loving the bond I have with Smacky and delighting in watching him grow and become. But soon - I'm talking around a year from now-soon I'm going to have to call my RE and book an appointment to discuss thawing and insemination of those happy little spawns of our very first IVF cycle. Of course there is no guarantee that either of them are chromosomally intact (we didn't do PGD on these guys). There is no guarantee that either or both will survive the thaw. There is no guarantee one will take. But they are there, and they are ours, and we worked incredibly hard to get them. I need to resolve their fate so to speak, before considering alternatives to building our family. It's just something I need to do.
After that, I'm open to adoption, though mixing genetic children with others is a tough line to walk in the emotional-upbringing department. But like Sal says, because I've been there myself, (at least when it comes to one parent), I'm probably the ideal candidate for the challenge. As of late I've been warming up to that idea. Harry X likes China adoption- he knows a few couples who have gone that route. Sal's uncle built and operates a mission in Santo Domingo where women approach him all the time begging him to find their child a good home in the US. I keep wondering if a trip there sometime soon might be in order.
Anyway, we'll see how things go. I guess I'd just like to go on record stating that I don't think this is all over just yet. Part of me wants to make sure Simon has more family and not feeling alone when Sal and I get older. The other part is more selfish and is driven by my personal hopes to expand my role as a mom. We'll see. Like I said earlier though, if it's not meant to be our family of 3 will be just fine...even more than fine. We haven't lost sight of how incredibly lucky and blessed we are to have our one, and I know we never will.
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COMING SOON! THE SIMON-CAM!!!
Yes, soon Smacky-Lips will be available LIVE with crib shots for all his friends and family all over the world on the internet. Come watch Simon (or his empty crib) 24/7! Stay tuned!
Oh! Oh! The Smacky Cam! I can't wait.
Wow--I'm amazed at how well thought out your second child discussion is. My Freak and I go through similar discussions about our first--whether to test my health with a pregnacy, adopt (First or second) etc, and your views help shed some light on ours.
I want to know more about adoption from Santo Domingo --Right now Guatamela is my 1st choice for adoption, but I really like the idea of adopting from a less "popular" locale.
Oh and what does Smacky think of your dogs? And what do the dogs think of Smacky?
Posted by: wavybrains | September 16, 2005 at 12:40 PM
Interesting factoid I just found--to adopt from Santo Domingo, adopting parents have to reside there for at least 90 days, usually longer. Aack! I wish it were not so--so many needing homes, and so hard to get them here!
Posted by: wavybrains | September 16, 2005 at 04:31 PM
Just wanted to say that Gabe is the result of one of two frozen embies that we thawed. Both thawed well and were transferred, but obviously only one took. So, I say YAY for FET and adoption.
Part of me never wants to consider pregnancy again (but, now's not a good time for me to ponder it when I can't see my feet). On the other hand, I have this feeling that it won't take long til I am standing in the IVF line again. I adore my sister and I am so grateful I have her (both my parents were only children). So, if I can, I want Gabe to have a sibling...somehow!
Can't wait to see Smacky live...oh la la I love the internet!
Posted by: Joy | September 16, 2005 at 06:15 PM
your baby boy is beautiful!
whatever you decide about another baby, it sounds like simon is a well-loved little guy..
Posted by: kristin | September 16, 2005 at 07:25 PM
your baby boy is beautiful!
whatever you decide about another baby, it sounds like simon is a well-loved little guy..
Posted by: kristin | September 16, 2005 at 07:26 PM