Sorry everyone, but the holidays have been hard this year...there has been so much to be done, so many people to see, and so much to clean up...it's been relentless. Feh - it's almost over though, and knowing me, at some point I'll miss this frenetic pace. But for now? Geez - what I would do for some quiet time - maybe even just to watch Sound of Music with a view unobstructed by a 2 year-old's busy bobbing head or to actually hear it above fusses and annoying toys and sit on the couch and put my feet up without having to wonder if that hot feeling on my thigh is yet another round of puke courtesy of one or another of the babes squirming on my lap.
Aay, I sound like such a whiner. Let's press the rewind button and go back, say, oh, as early as 8 years ago? When I'd spend the holidays as a single gal visiting my family, traveling alone. Back then I'd spend lots of days - never mind holidays - feeling lonely, wondering if I'd ever have the good fortune to meet Mr. Right and have a little brood of my own. My apartment was often quiet...too quiet, as was my phone. Most of my girlfriends were all married back then, tending to children of their own. Sure, I'd see my single friends, but my true friends - the ones I connected with anyway - were otherwise engaged with their new priorities: their growing families. And I remember times when I would sit and cry, drink some wine and will the deafening silence of my loneliness to just disappear. I'd imagine someday having a husband, kids, a house - a home loud with laughter and cooking and usually a bit messy from all the activity - with lots of guests coming over all the time, and wonder if I'd ever be lucky enough to meet someone I could care about enough to do all that with...someone who cared about me that way, too. I'd wish, wish, wish for all this, certain that if it ever came true, I'd never complain because nothing, nothing could be as bad as being home alone drinking wine alone on the day after Christmas wondering, yet kind of knowing, what the real reason was that the jackass you've been dating couldn't spend at least part of the holiday with you.
And then of course I met S and was never, ever lonely again. And if this past week wasn't concrete proof of my wish come true, then I don't know what is.
So I need to just hushup, live in the moment, and enjoy. For though it's loud and busy and messy and I'm really tired and probably smell a lot like baby puke, I am just so blessed. And really, I don't want it any other way. This is actually nirvana...and I need to savor every moment of it.
Happy New Year, my friends!

