A Beautiful Day

Niece #4

She's here. Her name is Veronica. I've yet to see her (SIL needed a blood transfusion after the C-section and couldn't take visitors earlier) but I hear she's hungry and loud and gorgeous with black curly hair and milky white skin. I plan on heading over tomorrow after gymnastics to get to know her a little better. She's my godchild. I love her already.

Someday

Sorry everyone, but the holidays have been hard this year...there has been so much to be done, so many people to see, and so much to clean up...it's been relentless. Feh - it's almost over though, and knowing me, at some point I'll miss this frenetic pace. But for now? Geez - what I would do for some quiet time - maybe even just to watch Sound of Music with a view unobstructed by a 2 year-old's busy bobbing head or to actually hear it above fusses and annoying toys and sit on the couch and put my feet up without having to wonder if that hot feeling on my thigh is yet another round of puke courtesy of one or another of the babes squirming on my lap.

Aay, I sound like such a whiner. Let's press the rewind button and go back, say, oh, as early as 8 years ago? When I'd spend the holidays as a single gal visiting my family, traveling alone. Back then I'd spend lots of days - never mind holidays - feeling lonely, wondering if I'd ever have the good fortune to meet Mr. Right and have a little brood of my own. My apartment was often quiet...too quiet, as was my phone. Most of my girlfriends were all married back then, tending to children of their own. Sure, I'd see my single friends, but my true friends - the ones I connected with anyway - were otherwise engaged with their new priorities: their growing families. And I remember times when I would sit and cry, drink some wine and will the deafening silence of my loneliness to just disappear. I'd imagine someday having a husband, kids, a house - a home loud with laughter and cooking and usually a bit messy from all the activity - with lots of guests coming over all the time, and wonder if I'd ever be lucky enough to meet someone I could care about enough to do all that with...someone who cared about me that way, too. I'd wish, wish, wish for all this, certain that if it ever came true, I'd never complain because nothing, nothing could be as bad as being home alone drinking wine alone on the day after Christmas wondering, yet kind of knowing, what the real reason was that the jackass you've been dating couldn't spend at least part of the holiday with you.

And then of course I met S and was never, ever lonely again. And if this past week wasn't concrete proof of my wish come true, then I don't know what is.

So I need to just hushup, live in the moment, and enjoy. For though it's loud and busy and messy and I'm really tired and probably smell a lot like baby puke, I am just so blessed. And really, I don't want it any other way. This is actually nirvana...and I need to savor every moment of it.

Happy New Year, my friends!

Feliz Natal

Merry Christmas, my friends!

Apple Season, Part II

S took a vacation day today to spend time with Smacky and me. C came to watch the twins, so we were free.

I'll let the photos speak for themselves.

***

In other news, Z slept 6 hours last night. J, not so much. But we're getting there. We're getting there.

Josh

Josh being Josh.

A Fresh Start

It's time to come back to my humble little blog here.

After leaving to journal privately about Round Two of our family-building journey, I'm happy to report it's all over. No more babymaking. We're done. Fin. Here's proof of our victory over infertility and illness:

Joshua and Zachary arrived prematurely at 32w6d on June 21st, and we couldn't be happier (or more exhausted). Simon is mostly ambivalent about their presence, though does occasionally lapse into annoyance (Mama, PUT BABY DOWN).
Last week he was marching around our dining room chanting "Josh GO, Josh GO" - when I asked him where he'd like Josh to go, he responded with a simple: "BUB-BYE." He'll get better.

Our childbirth story is fairly wretched; it involves kidney failure, respirators, coma, and infection for me...fortunately, the little men faired much better, shacking up in the NICU for 5 weeks for some feed and grow and learn-to-breathe-while-eating time. The end result however is that we're all here and are going to be okay. But the birth experience was ridiculously hard and I'm so happy to be past it all. The biggest hurdle we face at this point is figuring out how to get through these first few demanding months.

Right now we're struggling with our options for live-in help - S' job is taking off like wildfire and though that is a fantastic thing, it means lots and lots of travel. And I can't juggle three kids alone for any extended period of time, so we're considering an au pair situation - more on that as it develops. For now, I've mastered the art of cradling a colicky boy in one arm while I read, watch tv, or blog. When two act up at once, it's a bit more intense. When the three of them need me at the same time, well, you can only imagine. I'm surviving on an average of 4 hours sleep per night, and that's with my mother's help. I never realized it would ideally take 3-4 adults to care for my guys - there'd be one child for each and another to act as a sub to allow showers and meals and naps and such. But that's not doable and it's expensive - to rely on piecemeal here-and-there help from family and friends is not a workable solution...how long can I expect people to put aside their personal schedules for us? Any input on au pair experiences (though I'd prefer good feedback or cautiounary optimism vs. bad war stories as we don't have much choice in the matter) would be welcome. We'd be giving her room and board and her own car...beyond that, how much do we have to pay her? We're considering a 6 month agreement. I'm not so happy about having a permanent guest in the house but after long discussion we really don't have other viable options. I'm hoping for the best.

In the meantime, we're here at Grandma's house in NJ... S is here for a brief visit and we're hoping to get to the boardwalk today to enjoy the fresh air and watch Simon have fun on the kiddie rides.

Welcome to A Beautiful Day!