Mommy cliques

Today I attended a curriculum meeting at Smacky's preschool where he attends two days a week. The first to arrive, I made quiet chit-chat with his teacher who had temporarily, for the hour, left the kids with her assistant.  I do like his teacher and given that my next-door-neighbor has known her for years and adores her; given that she's worked at this preschool for over 20 years, I'm good to go and have no issues at all with her philosophy or approach to teaching.  In fact, I think it's a great sign when Smacky, in the tub, begins a lecture to me about nocturnal animals the other night...no really, he said nocturnal.  And did I know that wolves and bats and owls come out only at night?  And you don't have to fear bats because they only eat bugs?  That owls live in the forest?  Good stuff, this preschool is.  He's growing more comfortable there and is telling me more and more that he likes it. 

Anyhoo, curricula wasn't my intended point.  What I wanted to talk about was - gah - how SAHMs in a group can be awfully similar to...okay I'll say it: high school.  I see it all the time on the playground too.  There are cliques.  I see whispering. I would not be surprised if there are alliances...I've overheard women shredding other women.  Generally, I am not one to be intimidated by this as I am quite older than most of them and I don't feel any compulsion to be a part of this dynamic (don't get me wrong - I'm not totally friendless there - I do have one friend who I really like - a mom with whom I have coffee and our sons have playdates, but her son is in a different class, and her meeting was last week).  Basically, I'm okay not being super socially involved there.  Or at least I thought I was.  Daily, during drop off and pick up, I pass this group or that group on my way to the car and being it's a fairly big school I don't expect nor care to meet or know any of the mothers beyond those with children in Smacky's class.  I'll say hello and I'm certainly friendly and interested but I'm...oh let's just say my calendar is numbingly full as it is.  

Apparently, this attitude has set me back a bit.  While chatting with the teacher waiting for the meeting to start, the door opens and a bunch of noisy women come in together.  Seems nearly half the moms in my class have all gotten together since our first day and are spending the morning together today, leaving the other half, which includes myself, another woman I talk with often, and two others who work and usually have husbands/grandparents do the dropoff and pickup.  I smile and say hello but am (I swear!) consciously ignored by the clique woman who sits next to me.  Okay, no biggie, right?  After the meeting, the group convenes again, happy chatting and I realize I'm left with no one to talk with so I turn to the woman I do sometimes talk with and I see she's already made a beeline for the exit, as did the working ladies.  At that, it was time to go.  And so I did.  And I really felt kind of left out - sort of lonely, and sort of bewildered that this really did feel like high school all over again.  Don't get me wrong - I don't see anything negative about using your child's school as a means for social connection - I think it's a great idea and I have myself.  But my attitude coming in to this was that I've already got my girlfriends and my neighbors and we're pretty okay in the playdate department.  I guess what really surprises me is how quickly these groups become exclusive.  And if you're not in, you're not in. And right now, lemme tell ya: I am so not in.  It's only October and I'm already relegated to the Goths.  Or the Geeks.  Ay, poor Smacky... Mommy is so not cool.  And I here I was so silly as to think we were all beyond that.

I'm curious to know if this experience is exclusive to our town or is it widespread.  How is it at your preschool or playgrounds?  Crazy cliquish or laid-back?  Are you in or are you out?  And do you think that your social standing as a mother has an affect on your child in any way?  Thoughts?