A Beautiful Day

Late Entry

S submitted this Caption This! entry today - as in, only 5 days post deadline. Though technically he's quite late, he's getting a nice treat anyway: my first-ever attempt at a cable-knit scarf (photo of which to be posted soon!). But I had to share his effort because it's quite good (in a dorky sort of way):

Thanks for playing, S!

There's hearing. Then there's listening.

For someone who wants to retire this blog, I sure have been writing a lot lately, huh.  When my feet are up, I prefer being active (writing) as opposed to passive entertainment, like tv or reading.  It's the Type A in me, which we've discussed here before.   So there you have it.  I shall now write some more.

This entry however is inspired by my hero, my dear husband Sal.  Yes, we all know he's generous, kind, caring and evolved.  Yes, he's sexy and handsome and to steal a gut-wrenchingly trite movie moment, he completes me.   But he's modest too, and is far too humble to share many of his greatest life's accomplishments with people.  Many of his closest friends know firsthand how amazing he is, but they don't know the entire story. 

The invitation had been sitting on our coffee table for weeks-  the Boston chapter of The Samaritans, the non-profit organization dedicated to reducing suicide by befriending individuals in crisis (through its telephone suicide hotline), was holding its annual Breakfast of Hope today.   Sal had volunteered there for several years, doing shifts as a listener and eventually as a homeleader until his business travel became too much.   Over time he had spoken with countless individuals who were reaching out for help during incredibly painful, private, life-defining moments.  He was committed to the organization and the cause; as is his nature, he believes it is everyone's responsibility to give of yourself to the common good - that ultimately people make the real difference in this world - not the government, not society at large, but individuals. 

While we were dating, now and then I'd come visit Sal while on a shift.   He had a passion for helping and I have to admit that it was a major turn-on to watch him work.  Yeah, I wanted a husband who was capable of that kind of attentiveness and gentleness.  I wanted a husband who felt empowered to make a difference in this world and actually took action to be a positive influence in society.

So this invitation has been sitting on our coffee table, and I'm a little disappointed because I do truly support The Samaritans and think it would be nice to attend and get up to date on what they've been up to and enjoy a good breakfast.  Of course, in my current situation, I'm going nowhere.  But Sal took off from work this morning and attended on his own.

And both he and I are very sad that I missed it.

Evidently, the breakfast was incredibly moving, with 400 people in attendance listening to local celebrity guest speakers along with testimonials from volunteers and even previous callers.  There was a lengthy video vignette covering current volunteers and their personal stories.  One woman, Judith, described her own painful experience with a suicide attempt and explained how her desperate call to the hotline saved her life. Her own husband had killed himself not a year before, and she was contemplating taking her own life as the pain was too much to bear. She stated that the listener was so effective that he not only convinced her that her life was worth living, but inspired her to rise up from her depression and become a hotline volunteer herself.  When the video ended, she herself walked out to the podium and announced, "I'm Judith."

Sal said after that, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.  He then explained that as she kept talking about her experience, he started sensing a familiarity about her story.   And he started getting chills as she announced to the audience who her savior was because by then he knew:  yes, it was Sal.  She thanked him for saving her life and he was ushered up to the podium for a hug and an impromptu speech.  An experienced public speaker, Sal admitted he didn't quite know what to say, but managed to get out a few intelligent words despite the emotion of the moment.  And 400 people clapped and roared in appreciation for his dedication.

What a morning, huh? He had no idea...none at all.

That's my husband...HANDS OFF LADIES...he's MINE. 

A Word About My Husband

I'm up on the 3rd floor, working.  The snowdrifts on our lower roof are so high they have completely covered the windows above my workspace. We received about 3 feet; it's hard to really tell because it's all been drifted by the wind.  It is a beautiful day though...the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and the reflection off the snow is shockingly brilliant.  It's cold, but gorgeous.

Sal is spending time with his new best friend, the snowblower.  I can hear him outside.  Here's the thing: he finished our walks/driveway/courtyard yesterday, along with many of our neighbor's sidewalks and driveways...if a neighbor doesn't have a snowblower, Sal is there.   "Did you take care of the Connor's?" I asked him last night.  The Connors are the elderly couple next door.

"Of course," he says.

"You know they never once have thanked you."

"I know...it's not about that though."

Today he's out there solely to clean up for all the neighbors; clearing the end of a driveway where a plow came through so a car can pull in here, touching up a walkway there, widening a driveway across the street.   

The neighbors are all at work. They will have no idea what he's done.

Although I sense an ulterior motive (i.e. he'll take any opportunity to play with his big boy snowblower toy), I still nominate my guy for 100 karma points for use at the pearly gates.  He deserves them.

If I Had a Million Dollars

I went to acupuncture today and, as I often do, had an enjoyable conversation with Nance about religion/spirituality/astrology peppered with some politics. It was a good start to what turned out to be a very notable day. I did pick an angel card today; the word was ADVENTURE.

And on my way home I'm a little worried, because Sal got called in today for a talk with one of the principals at his company. We both thought it strange that he'd have a meeting on a Sunday, and he didn't have good vibes about it at all. Despite being #1 guy last quarter, in his line of work at this level, things often are cutthroat and nasty. Plus, Sal has had a history with this man - his archaic manage-by-fear tactics cause untold amounts negative energy throughout the organization. Sal has audaciously criticized him on several occasions (Sal used to be a principal in his own software company - he has engrained ideas about effective leadership - and, let's face it - part of him has never stopped being the boss).
I've met this principal myself on several occasions and can tell you he's a self-loathing misanthrope. But, we said, the holidays are coming, and Sal's numbers are great...Q1 is set to be a record-breaker. This guy would be a fool to push him the wrong way, no? Sal needs to collect the rest of his bonus too, so, maybe this wasn't as bad as it sounded.

I walked in the door and Sal was back, sitting on the couch.

The bad thing happened.

I won't go into too much detail but it was made clear that this principal wanted him OUT. And when someone on the board hates you, despite the pettiest of reasons, despite your hard hard work, your years of profitability for a company, you're just toast. And so it is. Sal resigned. Two weeks before Christmas. With an 80% chance of a baby on the way.

We talked for an hour about options, about his strengths and areas of opportunity - and what should his next step be? We both noted right away that this may have been overdue- we were both exhausted by his travel schedule and he'd been very unhappy with the company culture for a long time. Perhaps this was the kick in the pants he's needed. And then we went to the deli to grab a sandwich and some produce and chicken to make for dinner. We figured out a short term plan. And we came home.

And we were happy. A wave of relief swept over us. We realized how heavy that job had been on us.

I can't explain it but as the day wore on, we became almost giddy. Suddenly, the future seems brighter than ever. It seems possibilities abound. This news...this unfortunate turn of events should make us unhappy -we should be glum, no? No. Instead, our relationship seems to absolutely shine in times of trouble. We become an unstoppable team. And we're feeling more optimistic than we have in a long long time. So we hung our lights outside and finished decorating. Tonight he helped me make some more holiday cookies. I hooked up my I-pod to the Bose Wave and we sang and baked. And when the Barenaked Ladies came on, he grabbed me and we danced in the kitchen.

If I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car
(A nice Reliant automobile)
If I had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I had a $1000000
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had $1000000
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would be already laid out foods for us
Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things

If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat
(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Like a llama or an emu)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had a $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
(All them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I had a $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more.
If I had a $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner
Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That’s right, all the fanciest dijon ketchups
Mmmmmm

If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress
(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had $1000000
(If I had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey?)

If I had $1000000
I’d buy your love

If I had $1000000, If I had $1000000
If I had $1000000, If I had $1000000
I'd be rich

I think this might turn out to be a good thing.

Props to Sal

Sal knew what he was in for well before he married me. We were together 3 years and were trying to conceive a child for one full year before our wedding (we actually miscarried our first 2 weeks prior to our ceremony). He had attended my hematologist appointments with me faithfully, and came to understand
that there will just be times when I fall down on Boylston Street from dizziness and can't walk the dogs because it's just too cold outside. He learned early that I needed to keep a bottle of water in my hand at all times and, because of that, needed to stop and pee A LOT. He took me on anyway, knowing my PNH could just go bad at any moment and he would be the go-to to pick up the pieces for me. He knew we would struggle with having a baby. He knew PNH would generally be a big pain in the ass in our lives. He didn't care. He said "I Do" because he said the only time he's "home" is when he's with me.

You gotta love this man.

This past week he's been an angel...a rock of support. He's suffering. I see it in his eyes. He had hoped this pregnancy would be it- that we'd finally have our baby, finally have our stem cells, and be able to move forward and just be a family and get on with life. I can tell he's sad, and he tells me so, but like a man, he's holding it in. My heart aches for him more than me right now. The IVF was draining on us. Yes, I endured the egg retrieval, I endured the 2 or 3 shots a day, and I endured the endless blood tests and 6:30 AM ultrasound visits. But he was with me every single step of the way - he never left me alone through any of this. He was the one who kept the house in order, he was the one who protected me from overdoing it; he'd surprised me with breakfast and run to pick up the Sicilian olives when I craved them.

For all he's done and does for me, I want so badly to give him a child with his own eyes, his gorgeous olive skin, and his silly sense of humor. I want this for him more than me. He is a nurturer, and a child will never have a better Daddy. Whatever it takes, I will get him his baby. I will do whatever it takes. I promise you Salvie...I will not stop until you have your Annelise in your loving arms.