A Beautiful Day

Every day, something new

This just makes my heart sink.  And I'm wondering if what's going on with Smacky has anything to do with it.  

I think what stings the most is the word "irreversible."

Maybe number five is the charm?

T's last day with us was Tuesday - her fiance came on Wednesday morning and helped pack up the last of her stuff.  It was a horrible goodbye -she was crying, the twins were hysterical.  Her absence has been hard on them.  They look for her - they miss her.  

The manny?  I wound up not going with him as in the interim I found C, who I liked right off the bat.  She was okay with the hours I need and right away recognized that Smacky needed a little TLC.  She's been with us for just two days now and the twins are getting used to her.  She likes to cook and clean and even told me:  you need help in organizing.  I'm here to help you. Heaven! 

This morning, after dropping off Smacky at school, I headed over to BJs to stock up some groceries and stuff for the house.  When I arrived home, the kitchen smelled wonderful. Everything was vacuumed, cleaned, the babies were napping peacefully.  C asked me if I would mind if she cooked lunch for Smacky and me.   As if!!!  She said all moms needed a break and she likes to cook - would it be okay?  She made us spaghetti and meatballs along with chicken nuggets for the Smackeroo.  Enough for leftovers for dinner.  And set the table.  With color-coordinated placcemats.  I kid you not.   Oh. My. God.  

We miss T.  She was part of our family, part of this house.  It will take some time getting used to her not being here.  We keep referring to the guest room as T's room...it still smells like her - which is a good smell - clean.  The kids look around corners for her frequently.  I know from experience (x4!) we will all move on and that takes some time, however T lived with us for close to a year...it may take longer than usual.  But with every door that closes another one opens, and from the looks of it, we opened a good one (which will hopefully, even though part-time, stay open for a long, long time). 

It's autumn!

Heading up north

We're packing up the truck, loading up the kidlets and heading up to the lake tomorrow for a brief weekend stay. I can't wait.

Today I hired not a nanny, but a MANNY to begin after T leaves in a few weeks. He obviously won't be a live-in and he'll be very part time, but he'll bring great new energy to this house and I'm looking forward to it. T has been a very nurturing presence for the twins which is what young babies need, but they're getting older and it's time for more play and action and, well, adventure. The Manny approaches his work very seriously and has lots of experience with sibling rivalry and boys bouncing off the walls...he talked about constructive play and how he incorporates learning into each activity. He's no babysitter, this Manny -he's more of a nanny committed to showing the kids the best time possible as he helps me function. And if during the days he's here the twins are running around having a blast, if Smacky is giggling so hard it hurts, then maybe they won't take T leaving as hard as I suspect they might. Especially the twins. I worry as they've really bonded with her. And Smacky keeps asking me about where she's going and if she'll come back. Sad. She'll be missed.
But yeah, we have a Manny now. It should be interesting!

I have to finish packing now. I'll return next week with some (hopefully) fabulous foliage pics.
Ciao!

Little snippets of news

* The Walk: Wet, miserable. S and I left the kids home with the ILs and schlepped down on train and back in same day. Good to see mom and Sis and kids though, even if it was for only two soggy hours. Quilt was never finished due to the bug; glad that project got derailed as one quilt there was being raffled off for 8 chances for $5. I would have crumpled into a tiny ball of pitiful sadness if mine fetched as little as that. Would rather give it away. Or auction it off myself.

* Health Report: Smacky is over it but still sniffly; went to school today. Z is congested but hasn't run a fever or vomited as of yet. J is obliviously energetic and carrying on as normal. I am now fine. Colonoscopy next Tuesday to address long-standing gut problems which may/may not be serious.

* Nanny Update: T's last day with us is 10/21. New nanny found however we're not engraved in stone as of yet. I'm still leaning toward trying to make do with much less help (reducing hours and considering live-out) and saving some money. This economy situation is scaring me and I'm very reluctant to commit, though I know that "some" help is absolutely necessary (how else do I get to the doctor, dentist, supermarket?). How much will be enough to strike a good balance is the question.

* S is off to Austrailia, Singapore, and Argentina next month. He knows not to miss Halloween this year.

* J and Z now say banana, daddee, mommmmah, among other quasi-decipherable syllables. It's damn cute. Smacky told me "bullsh*t" yesterday. He didn't learn it here, but I have an idea from whence that came...

Virus/bug going around?

Smacky's got an godawful cold - there are relentless streams of mucous coming out of his nose. He's been running a fever and has been asking for "medicine" when the Motrin dose finishes its course. Poor guy. Thank you, preschool!

As an added bonus, my body's feeling like it's slowly losing its quest to fight this off. The post-nasal drip has begun. Ugh.

Northeast friends: is something going around? Because next in line are the littles. And then I'm just going to cry.

It all comes back to the poop

Today was Smacky's first day of preschool - and by that I mean real preschool vs. a summer program or camp or whatnot. It was also orientation day in which parents were asked to attend with the child to help them assimilate and become comfortable with the environment. And as I suspected, I met up with a bunch of mothers doing their damnedest to appear absolutely perfect to everyone there. Courtesies were exchanged, basic stats revealed while quiet behavioral explanations were whispered: she's usually so much more outgoing! or we had a bad morning. And because these types of exchanges bore me to tears and tell me absolutely nothing about the women I will be bumping into for the next year, I once again offered myself up as the IMPERFECT ONE and dared to say out loud to one of the mothers that the twins participate in early intervention.
Oh my gosh! My G was in for speech therapy -
I'm sorry, I just overheard you...where do you go? My L is in for motor delay -
I'm so worried about T's walking delay - how did you get involved?
And with that, the mothers gathered more closely. They knew they'd be safe with me - clearly, I'm not competing and therefore, they could be themselves. And the ice was broken. Now, we can be real. Now we can talk about poop and tantrums and shyness and clumsiness and find comfort in shared experiences. Now we can stop worrying that we're not perfect and not feel like we have to apologize for whatever it is our children may or may not do next.
It works like a charm: all I have to say is "infertility" or "developmental delay" in a room full of estrogen and I am instantly Most Popular. I so love it. And I so hate that we do this to ourselves...that we feel the need to appear so...I don't know...faultless in front of other women. We're all just trying to make it in this big, bad world. And we're all dealing with something. Better to get it out on the table, lest we spend our precious time pretending and missing out on the good stuff. Like poop.

While I was busy making new mommy friends, Smacky was busy establishing himself as alpha dog, endearing himself to the teachers and engaging the boys in the class. How this child who is so transition-sensitive can walk into a classroom and work it so well is beyond me...and I know from his summer teacher that this was his way in his prior school - that he loves to lead and loves learning and likes to share his enthusiasm. I share this information with you with no intention to brag in any way but more to illustrate my relief - that despite his past issues with anxiety and change, Smacky has this - he has school - which he loves and obviously feels unencumbered and free to be what he wants to be. And seeing him so happy makes me, well, elated.

This week is enormously jam-packed with to dos, including nanny interviews and the Red Sox and orientation and toddler music class and oh, 3 doctor appointments and a studio portrait session for the kiddles. With T slated to leave soon, I feel compelled to get in as much as I can before she goes (for some reason I have this fear I won't find help prior), thusly, the manic schedule. Add to that the fact that today I found out that because my Cdiff STILL hasn't gone away (we're looking at a course lasting over 3 years now, folks) that I'll be treated to a colonoscopy and visit with Dr. Cutting Edge's favorite GI guy to see what else might be going on.

Again, my life always comes back to the poop.

shotgun!

We try hard to rotate who rides where in the stroller. J gets front a little more often as when in back, he likes to pull Z's hair.

Better

It's good to be home. We've all grown a bit this trip - the boys are bigger and, well, different. S and I learned a bit more about each other and got to spend some time alone on my birthday - my mom and sister agreed to watch the littles overnight while we enjoyed some adult time here, where we met up with my BFF Lo. Speaking of birthdays, I am now 43. And it feels good.
J adored the ocean and on his first day rushed into the waves with arms outstretched proclaiming to the world HEYSHHHH! The beach thrilled him to no end - he couldn't get enough of it. Z, on the other hand, clung to me and wailed whenever I tried to dip his toes in the clear, warm, beautiful water, crying often and being uncomfortable in the sun. His idea of fun was the boardwalk, where the lights and smell of funnel cakes and sounds had him upright in his stroller, begging to get out and explore things up close. Smacky bonded with the sand and spent most of his time pushing toy construction trucks around and carting buckets of water to fill the moats he'd make every day with his cousin Daniel, who, if you ask Smacky, walks on water and must be emulated at every opportunity.

We watched a fisherman catch a baby sand shark and felt its sandpaper skin. We caught starfish and sandcrabs and fiddler crabs, threw them back and then made sandcastles and then destroyed them. We ate fried fish, broiled fish, steamed fish and had ice cream every night. We watched the olympics and peed our pants while playing Balderdash. We rode the rides and played arcade crane games and ski ball. We golfed (miniature, of course), shopped, went to the zoo and rode bikes and ate outside. It was a blast. But the highlight of the vacation, hands down, was this. If you've never been to an air show (which I hadn't until now), I urge you to find one and get yourself there. Pronto. There is nothing like it. S asked me if I felt any testosterone when the F22 Raptors put on their afterburners and the answer is a resounding YES. Those are some badass planes people. The boys loved every deafening minute of the show. You read about these jets and see them on tv and the fact is you have no idea how amazing they are until they're flying 300 yards away from you.

So after yesterday's eight hour trafficky ride, we're home now. And settling in. It's good to be back in our own bed. There is work to be done and a garageful of bags to be cleaned and organized and put away. The twins are running and climbing and are relentless. When he's not asking when he can go back to school, Smacky is asking when we can go back to the beach house. S is already planning his flurry of September business trips to faraway lands. And I'm just trying to feed everyone and get some laundry done. But it's good. It's nice. Things are better. Things are way better.

To the beach

I'm heading out people...leaving for two weeks of fun in the sun (without the nanny - should be interesting!).
Ciao!