A Beautiful Day

To the beach

I'm heading out people...leaving for two weeks of fun in the sun (without the nanny - should be interesting!).
Ciao!

Turf Wars, Blooms, Hot Coffee and Coxsackie

Smacky hates the twins. He hates, hates, hates them - and always kind of has. Now that they're cruising (very ready to walk), they've completely invaded his land -which in his mind means every object or surface below 37" - which, you see, has always been his (and the dogs, whom he micromanages exquisitely). Until now. Daily, these new occupiers pillage his train set and raid his toy table. And when the ruling queen admonishes him (kindly, but firmly) for lashing out at the aggressors and defending what is rightfully his, he is left defeated and bitter and angry at everyone.

Dodder Cowan says it's all about this age, and by summer, when they're all walking, it will be much better.
Until then though, how will I cope? Smacky's pushing, hitting - even biting - the twins. I'm in the process of corralling special no one but Smacky can ever touch these toys to a baby-free zone. Beyond that, there isn't much to do but supervise. If this is my future people, stick a fork in me because there's just no way... I mean, if this keeps up, just have me committed right now.

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I found this pic from a few months ago of a scarf I crocheted for my niece. It's called the bloom scarf and it's a free (!) pattern.

It was very easy and quick (I almost finished it in one train ride) and it's probably a great way to use up some of your stash as the color combinations/possibilities are endless.

Oh, and I'm done with knitting class. It has to do with sick children, a traveling husband, my mom's train being late - I am just never able to make it and with so many women on a waiting list to get in, if I can't go, even if I pay for my space in the roster, I've got to give it up. You know it's bad when the knit shop owner comes into the bagel place to buy a coffee just before class, sees you accidentally dump a cup of hot coffee down your front, sees you dripping wet trying to find more napkins and that you're quite uncomfortable because your undies are saturated with a too hot beverage and doesn't ask if you're okay but rather kind of tsk tsks that you're not making it to class yet again and would let everyone know that you tried to make it. I was too pathetic and soaked to even sit in my car, nevermind try to attend that class, and defeated, I just went home. S suggested that perhaps the universe is is nudging me toward something else...that something that is supposed to be relaxing and fun shouldn't be such a stressful struggle. He's right.

On a final note, Smacky's the last victim in the coxsackie virus loop in this house. If the past is any predictor of the future, we've got one more day of fever and he should be back to his old self. I hope. I really hate seeing them so sick.

Last Sunday

I only just a few minutes ago found a free moment to download photos from last Sunday's party. There are literally no pictures to keep or blow up or put in a frame...getting five people to pose and look great at the same time is hard - with three kids we need the planets to line up.

Seriously, this is as "together" as we'll ever look:

Perhaps at the next lunar eclipse we can get something wall-worthy. Whatever. We had a cheery time, though I was straight out. My usual "help" (Mom, MIL) were busy socializing and I basically exhausted myself by trying to run a party while caring for three littles. There were complaints about me not taking enough pictures of the grandparents and how terrible it was that J cried at the church - if I baptized them earlier that wouldn't have happened and who was going to sit where because the aunts all have to sit together and honestly, why at such events do we wind up with unhappy stressed-out people? It's a party - meant to be enjoyed. There was good food, an open bar, nice music, ambience, lots of babies, family... why is it so easy for some to forget what really matters? Thank goodness for my sister, who, as always, took up my slack.

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In other news, Z is cruising and crawling up steps. J is only slightly behind him. Gawd.

Checking in

I'm still here...I've been feeling a little icky lately and haven't felt much motivation to sit and write. What's going on? My white counts have been in the basement. My neutrophils (Toffee, Irish, chime in at any time) are holding steady though, so we're not looking at bone marrow failure as much as we are that I am fighting some sort of a supervirus? I've got sores in my nose and, well, am just wiped out. So Dr. Cutting Edge put me on anti-virals, which, of course, brought back my c diff and that just plain sucks. Enter the heavy bruising I've noticed in the past few days and I'm back to worrying about my platelets and possible bone marrow failure again (and I DO NOT want to spend this summer in chemo). Whatever is going on, I've got to work through it while I get ready for the big baptism in two weeks. The Soliris hasn't been the big life-changer I had hoped, though it's possible that this bug I'm fighting is masking what would otherwise be vitality. My ldh and rbcs have improved since starting it and if in the end it merely spares my organs from disabling damage, even if it never improves my energy level, it's still worth the effort. I'll see the doc again next Tuesday. S is away again this week but the babes have thankfully been very cooperative, snoozing a full 12 hours during the overnights.

The weekend trip was wonderful - it was so good to see my family.

All the boys have been super - J & Z have 4 teeth apiece and are crawling all over the joint. Z (aka King Kong) has been scaling, well, everything. Both boys are eating cheerios. They growl and roar and are learning to stomp. They are good-natured though going through another little bout of stranger anxiety. And this I just have to share - I've heard it myself a million times myself but it's so true: after the first child, it all gets so much easier. When you're a veteran, you just don't sweat the small stuff. It makes parenting much more fun (not that one is not fun, it's just that two and three are MORE fun in that respect). You see something and say ah, been there, it will pass, and there's none of that pervasive worry that took place with the first. Of course the work is unrelenting, but just as you'd hope, so are the rewards.

Speaking of hope, Smacky is like a new kid. Thomas aside, his new passions are hockey and basketball, and he's grown to absolutely love gymnastics. I've curtailed his time with nervous MIL and have also pulled him from a preschool drop-off class which I had had enough with - the kids there were crying a lot and though I liked the teacher, when I'm in the middle of a Herculean effort to help my anxious son learn confidence, the last thing he needs is to be around other stressed out toddlers. I deliberated about this as he'll be exposed to it that dynamic again when he starts preschool in September (and let's face it, throughout his life), but decided that for now, with the nicer weather coming we can do more playdates and physical activities. I'm part of a new playdate network that a fellow mom at gymnastics started, and our first meetup is tomorrow (for which I'm blowing off knitting class). Though I hate the idea of microparenting I do believe that in this case, by observing his social behavior and development I'll be better able to identify his anxiety triggers and help him learn to work through situations on his own...something a teacher in a class of eight nervous nellies can't do. When September comes I'd love for him to feel ready to take on whatever life throws at him. As for the potty? We're still working. Today we're trying big boy underpants for a while to see how that goes. Wish us luck.

On the craft front, I've been knitting and crocheting like crazy - mostly because I get weekly inspiration from my class and the fact that those are portable pastimes - sewing needs a table and a machine at a fixed spot for which you really need a solid chunk of uninterrupted time that is often close to impossible to find. I do need to organize some pictures of what I've finished (which I just realized is really quite a bit), but for now, I'll give you J modeling a girlie toddler hat done in the Oneskein pattern I like so much (you'll be happy to know I've since moved on from that book to way cuter things, but will let you wait for the photos).

Hugs!

Leaving for a long weekend...

...for my uncle's 75th surprise birthday party in NJ. WOOOOHOOOOO!!!
No seriously, I have to make the effort for the kids. This time I'm taking Smacky on the train and staying
at Sissy's til' Monday for some fun.

While I'm gone, check out this cuteness:

Ciao!

Ah, sleeeeeeep.

Ah yes, I signed up for it, I know, but these children are kicking my ass, I tell you. That and with S away for so long and everyone getting the sniffles I wasn't getting any kind of quality sleep for a long stretch of time - over two weeks. And naturally that manifested in not only my foggy, pissy attitude but of course my blood counts...which were spectacularly mediocre last week, despite having 3 weeks worth of wonder drug pulsing through my marrow. That was kind of when the concept of sleep evolved past a luxury to a medical necessity.
S came home, heard my whining for shuteye loud and clear and handled any and all wakings for 2 nights in a row. Then he took me out to dinner last night in Boston, my choice. I picked the restaurant where we had our wedding, which basically is an overly-commercial nod to this movie, but SOOOOO good. I drank wine - two glasses even! - and when we came home, Smacky was still up. We all went downstairs to the big big screen and played Rock Band. If you've never seen an enthusiastic two-year-old dance and shout Blitzkrieg Bop you haven't lived....we couldn't get him to put down the mike. Yes, next time we'll record it. He's definitely a Ramones fan - and that will make my brother quite proud...I suppose it could be in the blood.

But anyway, the sleep did me a world of good and I was happy to get dressed and go out to someplace other than a hospital. And boy, did I enjoy talking with my husband...we had actual conversation. It was loverly. Beyond that, I haven't had time to do much of anything interesting. Today I did steal some time in the studio:

With the twins now on the move, I'm in need of more quilts for the floor - I threw this together with a pack of 4" inch rainbow squares I scored on ebay a few weeks ago along with some of my stash...the goal was- what else - lots of color for the boys to look at, with a touch of whimsy. I think this one will fit the bill.

I've got a whole bunch of these bibs made - am trying to build inventory. For what? you might ask...an online store? Perhaps. You'll see...and hopefully soon at that. I just don't want to commit to any ultimate plan just yet as my ability to accomplish anything depends on the stability of this house of cards in which I currently dwell. Plus, sometimes I'd simply rather cuddle a baby or sleep than plot my entrepreneurial future. But I am thinking a lot about how my craft can turn a small profit, and am brainstorming things I can do to make myself unique. I also have a strong desire to donate a percentage of my gross (or net? which is better? Anyone know?) to charity (most likely the PNH Foundation). Like I said, we'll see. But until all the details are ironed out, I'm plugging away here and there at making enough stuff to ultimately have something to sell.

And lastly, a pic of the kiddles, already leaving teethmarks.
Goodnight!

Cousins

Z, J, and cousin V. Smacky outright refused to be involved in the picture (which is a primary reason as to why I've been putting off a formal portrait - he's most miserable next to his smaller siblings).

Oh, and SIL gave daredevil Z quite an apropos nickname: Bam - it is so fitting you have no idea. Z will enjoy a post of his own in the very near future...there is much to talk about in that regard. But for now, lights out - S is gone and it's been a loooooong week. Boa noite.

Caption This!

Submit your entry in the comments section - winner gets a handmade (small, yet thoughtful) treat courtesy of A Beautiful Day. Entries close 8 PM EST on Wednesday! Winner will be announced on Thursday!
(photo courtesy of T)

Status Quo

Sorry again mes amies...I've been straight out. Between therapy for the twins, many consultations for Smacky, my own stringent doctor appointment schedule, S being away (what else is new) and managing the well-being of 8 souls in this house, blogging ain't up there on my priority list. I'm trying to read and comment when I can but it's been difficult.

There really isn't much to report other than that we're plodding along. S really wants me to figure out a way to meet him down in the Dominican later this month - I'm trying to see how I can swing it...it would certainly be a wonderful break. But he'll be away the week leading up to it, and how I'm supposed to, um, not sleep for a week, take care of everything and everyone then get myself ready is a bit daunting. I'm also worried about leaving Smacky behind considering his recent state- not sure that would be a smart idea. And can T and my ILs really take care of them all for such an extended period of time? I'm dubious - they say they're tired as it is. So we'll see. I'd love to go...just worried about running myself (and everyone else) down too much. I wish I could think more like my husband sometimes - you want to go somewhere or do something, you just tell everyone else to take care of things and that's it.

So that's it. The psychologist observes Smacky on Thursday, so I'm hoping we'll soon have more info on what's going on with him. Thus far, the EI director felt he just needed some time and love and maybe a hip x-ray just to be sure. I'm waiting to hear back from the pedi again. Lots to do. I'm hoping it's all for nothing.

Quiet

My schedule has been stringent, with each hour in my day accounted for despite T's wonderful help. It's left me tired and somewhat uninspired...I wake up each day panicky that I'm forgetting something important. Managing a household isn't much different from managing a team or a business...only difference is that the former doesn't offer much time off at all. Woe to the next person I hear snickering about stay at home moms and bon-bons...I swear I'll fling my cast-iron skillet at their head. This sh*t can be really hard. Yes, even with help. I'm not kidding.

If any of the following comes across in bad form, please accept my apologies up front. Though I will tell you til I'm blue in the face that my children are beautiful and wonderful I like to spare the details as often, being on the receiving end of a perceived comparison about children can be a hurtful place. I've been there. But for now, for today, because it's my blog damnit, details ensue.

Smacky's pedi appointment last week was a tad unnerving; I half-expected to be told to just continue with our routine and gymnastics class and that all would eventually fall into place. But that's not what we heard. Instead, we left with a referral for Early Intervention to address his gross motor issues (okay, I kind of wanted that). We also left with a referral for a psychologist. Because apparently Smacky is showing signs of giftedness...to which I thought we sort of subconsciously already knew that (don't geeks usually beget geeks?), and believed that no, our kid won't be labeled and we'll just go on like he's normal and not make a fuss about it so that he can enjoy a normal childhood, and really, he's kind of young for us to know for sure what's going on in his brain anyway. But then the pedi started talking about how gifted can also mean special needs. And that because children who think a lot, well, think a lot, anxiety is a very common problem for them. It was then that I panicked outwardly about the possibility of autism - could this all be a manifestation of something brewing? No, I was assured...but the psychologist will work with us to help us understand what's going on and help us to help him learn to manage his fears as this is likely to be something he will always have to cope with because of his tendency to overthink. Family history (especially on the paternal side) of anxiety disorder doesn't help matters either. There was talk of possibility of qualifying for special programs. It made me very quiet to realize that we'd probably have to help Smacky to be normal...even though - hey, he's intelligent! - what a nice thing! - I never really thought it through to the point of the reality of his smartness, which basically brings with it a whole new set of challenges. Like his brain encompassing so much of his body's developmental energy that it puts him behind physically. Or how is tendency to worry about what could happen can cause his chronic constipation. Or that just as he likes to argue about phonetics or point out things that are hunter green as opposed to chartreuse (that's my fault...we talk about colors a lot when I'm sewing), he will see a snowflake fall and think of all the ways he can get hurt when it begins to accumulate. This should be an interesting journey...I think we'll all learn quite a bit. Our first appointment with the shrinkydink is Thursday. EI comes next Tuesday (and now I'll have all three in the program...sheesh - another weekly appointment - gah).

In other news, Z is sitting up on his own with J not too far behind (he's a bit wobbly still, learning to use his hands to balance himself). They are getting fat and happy and are just great kids. They turned 7 months old yesterday - I can't believe how fast they're growing. Our routine continues to work its magic, though the 7:30 bedtime does bring with it an engraved-in-stone wakeup of 5 AM every day. After their morning feeding I clean them up and put them in the same crib together while I try in vain to get some more shuteye - I need to somehow video their antics because the ensuing hour is hilarious - their silly chatter is really something to see/hear. And their bond is nothing short of mystical - moms of twins, you hear me on this one, no? Whenever possible, they operate as one. Their synchronicity is spectacular. Though I am quite connected with them, it's quite different from the way I am with Smacky, who is (often literally) attached to my hip. But the twins? They need each other on a level I can only admire with wonderment. It's beyond amazing...they can teach us so much.

We just returned last night from a trip to NJ visiting family - I took Smacky and left S behind with the babies for 2 nights. I'm still not unpacked. Tomorrow EI comes for Z. And I've been helping out at the restaurant a few hours here and there (I show up, do what I'm told and keep my mouth shut and it's been working beautifully thus far) which is probably why I feel so pressed for time.

This weekend I picked up my camera to take some photos of my baby niece being baptized - I found it curious that my memory stick was full as I am diligent in clearing it every time I download pictures. Turns out at some point when I wasn't looking, Smacky helped himself to a lengthy photoshoot (upwards of 85 photos...no, I'm not kidding):

Happy Tuesday.