I can't begin to tell you all how much our lives have turned around for the better since Smacky's return to the integrated preschool and onset of OT and PT services. His disposition, energy, and outlook have improved so much in such a relatively short time. Part of this we attribute to his newly-found eyesight, but I believe most came from the positive influence from his new school and friends.
Last weekend we attended the birthday party of one of his classmates...all the students were invited along with their siblings. Smacky is one of ten in his class and because it's so small, the parents all know each other and all the kids fairly well. We've become a fairly tight group, us parents...as with our kids in the classroom, there is an unspoken policy of compassion and inclusion and it feels, well, special. Parents of kids with needs have been down a different road than the mainstream, and therefore we get each other and connect quite easily. Anyway, back to the party - as usual, I was inwardly dreading attending as historically, Smacky just hates loud rooms with too many people and colors and food and stuff going on, and I'm usually the parent on the sidelines with him while being asked a dozen times albeit very nicely what's wrong with him? Is he okay? And because there's no simple explanation, and because really, I'm under no obligation to explain anything anyway, and the first question itself implies his behavior as negative, I smile and wave while I hold him and assure him that soon, honey, soon it will be over and we can go home. And for the most part, this party was no different in that respect, except for the fact that no one blinked an eye at his standoffishness. Instead, I was asked if there was anything we can do to help him be more comfortable. No one pressured him to "come sit" or "wear this hat"...they all knew - they've all been there in some vein. And so some moms came over to join us, away from the loud table. We parents talked about the spectrum, food allergies, sensory issues and delays without reservation nor judgment nor apology nor sanctimony. We traded experiences and advice. We talked about the emotions and challenges. And for the first time in a long time, I felt safe to talk about my son to people other than my closest friends (or family) without fear - which frankly, mostly, is the fear of him being ostracized once people learn he is different or delayed or challenged or whatever he is. And until I get over that - until I learn to handle that piece more confidently and effectively - this group, these people, are a godsend. Because they know that despite his issues, Smacky, like their sons and daughters, is just as beautiful and worthy as any typical kid. Here, with them, we are safe to be who we are. And that brings with it a breathtaking relief. We are fortunate to have found a place, a tribe, a comfort zone, with people who are very cool and evolved. Yay for us.
Tomorrow? We've got a birthday party to attend (not involving his class but rather the son of an old friend) at a certain pizza facility with an indoor arcade whose logo involves a large mouse...I am honestly thinking of buying him earplugs to help him feel more at ease. Whatever the case, we need to keep pushing gentle exposure to these situations to help him acclimate...and it will be good practice for me to remain calm and unflustered when he starts screaming bloody murder when they bring out the cake. S and the twins are coming, so that might help calm him. We'll see. Wish us luck.
Oh, and speaking of cake, we found out today that Smacky will now start seeing his very own eating specialist which will help us determine if his severely limited diet is rooted in behavior or neurology. This kid's amassing quite a team.
